When Pollen speaks…

Let me just take a moment to sit on your fine old couch Pollen-1

and put my feet up, figuratively speaking of course. It’s been a great war so far, right? And you’ve done your part like a champ. But it’s not easy. It may look easy, but this crap leaves me tired. From all reports it’s working. We’ve got him nailed. Have you seen the reports? It’s like a wish list from Amazon – everything you could ever desire. All you can hope for. You got anything to drink? I like those Cactus Coolers. Don’t tell me what’s in them for God’s sake, but give me at least two of those bad boys. They’re so damn good. I like to slam the first one and then suck on the second like a babe to a nip.

This is a comfortable couch by the way. I like it when they get old and lumpy. Makes them more comfortable. When they’re new they feel like slabs of wood. That’s not a good way to relax. But this one? Man, I feel like a king on this puppy. Don’t mind my barbed body. It won’t leave a lasting impression.

Those reports. You’ve seen them, right? He can’t even blow his nose. His head feels like it’s full of cotton. Yeah yeah, I know, we thought we were getting ahead last year when we heard all that the first time. Then he got better. He outlasted us. Plain and simple. But check out page three. Hey, you got any food? I’ve got a thing for cheese sticks these days. The pepper jack ones are da bomb. What about salami? You got any of that?

No? Shoot. That’s all right.

Read the rest of Pollen’s rant here.

Published by patrickwhitehurst

Patrick Whitehurst is a fiction and non-fiction author who's written for a number of northern Arizona newspapers over the years, covering everything from the death of the nineteen Granite Mountain Hotshots to Barack Obama's visit to Grand Canyon. In his spare time he enjoys painting, blogging, the open water, and reading everything he can get his hands on. Whitehurst is a graduate of Northern Arizona University and currently lives in Tucson, Arizona. View more posts