patrickwhitehurst
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It’s like I always say. God bless us, everyone. Even Mantula. After all, Doug made Christmas pretty fun for a little Ukrainian girl named Anichka. He may seem like a grumpy dude who doesn’t like much in this world, but he’s actually pretty cool once you get to know him. I’m his best friend, whether he…
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Win your very own handmade ManQuail cardboard figure. You could be one of three to get a Glenn of your own by commenting below on the craziest thing you have ever done! Each cardboard ManQuail comes with a letter from the man himself! Three winners will be drawn at random. Contest ends Jan. 1!
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(News article from the Sedona Daily Reader) Spider KOs area man Tarantula attacks, knocks out Cottonwood resident By KIP MOONEY Sedona Daily Reader COTTONWOOD, Ariz. – Cottonwood police arrested 46-year-old Luke Brown on Wednesday, Aug. 6, after his wife called 911 to report an odd attack in their one-bedroom 12th street apartment. Brown, technically the…
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From: Doug Lansing Subject: More good Date: August 6 2014 11:53 AM To: Maximilian ‘Raymund’ Kolbe There was a female panhandler on the road. I gave her my $100 bill. It seemed to cheer her up, which actually seemed to cheer me up too. Go figure. As you probably already know, I didn’t change. Glenn didn’t change either.…
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The summer heat continued its daily parade of oppressive force. Luckily it felt worse and worse as the hours wore on, meaning later there would be another round of monsoons. If there was anything to be liked about the Grand Canyon State, it would be those storms in my opinion. As we made our way…
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I half-wondered if I would turn into a human by the time I sat down to write my email to the patron saint of addictions. My luck, which is pretty bad on my best day, stayed true. Nothing whatsoever happened to change my predicament—despite having done a good deed by knocking out the downstairs neighbor.…
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Who would have thought a patron saint would be so snarky? His ambivalence, apparent lack of concern, would drip from his emails were it a liquid. And that liquid would smell like crap I was certain, like gasoline mixed with vomit. Helping others? I could do that. Even if Kolbe didn’t want to help me.…
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Gagged on pop culture, polluted by depression, comes Mantula! A special fiction series! ManQuail shouted in my head. “Are you insane? Did you just tell a patron saint to go to hell? Dude, lightning is going to strike you dead!” “Let it.” “Why did you do that?” “Why not? I’m tired of this, Glenn. I…
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I wasn’t sure what to make of the emails at first. It had been a quiet week for the most part up until today. First the reporter Kip Mooney comes knocking, then we discover my stalker Diana Sturgis (who I can’t stop thinking about) has been combing the neighborhood in search of a tarantula riding…
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“Find that he’s slapping you, all the time. But that’s okay ‘coz he’s so rich And you ain’t nothin’ but a Dopeman’s bitch.” – N.W.A. The reporter, Mooney, and Diana Sturgis wandered off together after agreeing to exchange phone numbers. I turned to go back inside our crappy little apartment, still holding the man’s business card.…
Patrick Whitehurst 