“The cutest thing we’ve seen all day!” Social media said.
“But wait a minute,” Uploader said. “How can we top baby sea otters?”
Social media screamed in orgasmic bliss. “Oh my God, they’re so darn cute! Sharing, liking, trending!”
“Got it. How about baby sea otters with fluffy white kittens? Put them in a plastic pool together or something. Feed them all fish.”
Social media’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “Fluffy kittens with baby sea otters? Love, happy emojis, liking, sharing, trending!”
Uploader’s shoulders slumped with disappointment. “There is no way in hell we can top that. Our metrics can only go down from here. Engagement will drop.”
“One of the kittens licked the baby sea otter! SQUEE!”
Uploader’s face lit up with excitement. “I know. Koko the gorilla, baby sea otters, and kittens. Get Koko and put her in the pool. She’ll pet them and stuff. We’ll film it.”
“OMG. SQU…”
Uploader exploded with the best idea yet. “But wait, instead of the pool, throw them in a flood zone, like in Louisiana or something. Have them get rescued from the flood waters by some dudes in a raft.”
Social media could barely contain its indignation. “Terrible. What brave men to rescue these poor creatures. Sad face emojis, hearts, liking, trending!”
Uploader’s face grew dark. “There’s nothing left. Nothing at all. Except… maybe…”
Social media climaxed. “Firefighters? Baby sea otters? Fluffy white kittens? Koko? All dancing together to a mix of David Bowie and Prince songs? Have I died and gone to heaven?! LOL! SQUEE! Liking till my finger breaks! Love emojis till there’s a cure for cancer! Trending till even George Stephanopoulos sheds a tear of joy. Sharing every day of the rest of my life.”
Uploader had no words. It was over. The Internet broke.
SHORT FICTION – Finding the Squee Spot
Patrick Whitehurst 
hat tip with smirk face emoji
Thank you emoji (is there one)?
You’re welcome emoji (I have no idea if these are real)
I don’t know emoji (pretty sure that one is real).
Is there a WTF emoji?
Just not an emoji for “I would really like to learn more on this particular subject.”
Just like not an emoji for “I think I could teach you more about this particular subject.”
Or even “This particular subject is something you should learn more about.”
Or maybe, “I think you could benefit from a stronger grasp of this particular subject.”
And “This particular subject deserves your undivided attention and possibly a moment of silence.”
And maybe “This particular subject requires the concentration of a Zen buddhist in an isolation tank.”
With a dash of “Sould searching in a rainforest for two weeks could lead to a higher level of appreciation for this particular subject.”
A a dollop of “One will gain vital knowledge of this particular subject upon deep introspection and mediation, like one will find at an Ashram.”
And a smidge of “You can only find true happiness by looking within your own heart and embracing what you find there.”
Noice. 🙂
Bwahahahaha. Guys get a room already!!!